Can’t F’ing Believe It

F Magazine was created by John Schultz in 1967. This one of a kind journal is dedicated to Novel’s in progress. Irvine Welsh, Don De Grazia, Bonnie Jo Campbell, Joe Meno, Carolyn Chute, John McNally, and many other prominent authors have graced the pages of F.

About five years ago Don De Grazia handed me a copy of F Magazine. Don was F’s managing editor at the time and helped put together an incredible issue; beginning with the cover, a collage of found images from Chicago’s distant past, handwritten poetry and drawing done by one of our most cherished voices, Tony Fitzpatrick. The first excerpt in the issue was from Irvine Welsh’s sequel to Trainspotting, Porno much of which did not make the final cut when the novel was printed and stands alone as a window into the process of the great author. The rest of the pages maintained the pace set, which was a full on gallop.

I remember thinking to myself, ‘one day that’ll be me’ but not really believing it, knowing that these writers slaved away for years to get their writing to that level.

It’s been 5 years of hard labor but today I was published in F Magazine.

If I was still drinking I’d go out and get tanked right now but I’m not, so I’m going to propose a toast to everyone who is having a swig tonight.

Here’s to you crazy fucking writers.

Crazy enough to dream you could actually make money at this shit.

Crazy enough to set out to be like your heroes.

Crazy enough to sit down in front of a computer for 5-6 hours a day clacking on the keyboard, mind racing inside some fantasy world no one else has ever been to before.

Crazy enough to stomp around your apartment in your underwear reading your manuscript so loud your downstairs neighbors start banging on their ceilings with their broom sticks.

Crazy enough to get rejected a hundred times to everyone acceptance, only to have your ‘friends’ say that, that publication sucks anyway.

Cause even with the world and odds against you, you keep at it cause deep down you love it, and you know it’s one of the few things that make it worth living, and you’re just too much of a stubborn (son, or daughter) of a bitch to give up, here’s to you.

I would like to thank Don De Grazia whose Advanced class the passage was written in, Tom Popp for taking my work seriously, Betty Shiflett who’s always had kind words of encouragement, Nicolette Kittinger for her hard work and excellent copy editing, and especially my Thesis Advisor John Schultz for his time, patience, and hard work, and for always asking the right questions to get the best out of people.


About thebutchersblog

I'm a writer and storyteller from Chicago.
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5 Responses to Can’t F’ing Believe It

  1. Viki says:

    You just made me cry. Damnit. Sniff. Congratulations. I can’t wait to read the piece.

  2. Norah says:

    Believe it ! And it is all yours. “Allora, inviarti le nostre più sentite congratulazioni ed augurarti grandi successi.” We send you send you our most heartfelt congratulations and wish you much success.
    Norah and le bocche grande at

  3. Eliza Evans says:

    Congratulations! I can’t wait to pick up a copy.

  4. Nicolette says:

    Awww, shucks. The pleasure and honor was all mine. No thanks needed.

  5. Leon J West says:

    Thanks, Bro.

    I really needed to read those words today.

    Here’s to you too.

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